It's a week shy of two years since my last post. I've been close to writing on the blog more than a few times during this year. The ember that prompted me today? -- a moderation alert in my in-box for an anonymous comment about the June '07 "Viagra and Oysters" post. Better comment two years after a post than "forever hold your piece?"
Q: Wanna know what lights my fire? (that is my urge to write?)
A: Misguided.
"Misguided." That one word is the unsigned comment's last sentence. I'm taking poetic liberty to interpret that as the intended identifier, a symbolically reflective moniker for the commenter.
At the most, it's my way of "back at you" for forgetting to write his or her name.
Why would I be so judgemental? More importantly, why should you care?
While Misguided's comment is not spam-based, her/his intent was not to address the post's content, either. No mention of the Viagra, the oysters, or the somewhat related sausage or pizza pie (Am I getting you hungry?) Instead the opinion expressed had everything to do with arrogance and ignorance -- a survey of biased half-truths about my personal online presence, veiled as self-congratulatory moral discourse, from a person whose language use seems to have had the benefit of education, yet visibly displays a lack of wisdom and outreach.
[Misguided's comment and my response are below.]
So what? Sticks-and-stones, a few barbs--just get over it?
Admittedly, I was excited to aim a few blows at this unknown person's shoddy line of thinking. The first official comment so blatantly against me. I've finally made it.. somewhere.
But there is a larger picture-- in the aggregate do comments like this ferment a culture of narcissim and hate? What if the person is someone of influence who is able to shape perceptions among many? What if the comment was not aimed at me, as it decidedly was, but instead intent on someone or something of major political importance? What if Misguided really thinks their logical process is flawless? Happens everyday, right?
Should it?
Is silence golden (turn the other cheek) or is the silence in not correcting false statements actually dangerous to societal knowledge? Should we as a society demand civic rules of debate when we opine for, or against, something? Should we completely disregard the small gems of truth when someone with the title, Supreme Leader, decrees after days of mob demonstration, that politicians should not have name-called each other during the debate? What if the name calling is true? Or when it's not, and when it's in the US, as it frequently happens. To the victors, the spoils?
Here's the Missguided's exchange below. Think Misguided will reply to my reply?
Tweet me @crystalhaidl @SexDayUSA or comment below.
Misguided's Comment:
My Response:What a wonderful thing you are doing for the standing
of women in society. Promoting further objectification and degradation of women under the guise of sexual liberation. And doing an interview in Hustler magazine is CERTAINLY not antithetical to your cause. pleeeaazse. Clearly you have
inhaled too many fumes from the toliet cleaners you use. Misguided. Friday, June 19, 2009 2:46:00 AMDear Anonymous aka Misguided,
First let me thank you for your opening compliment. In a gesture of appreciation, here is my Ms. America speech-- "I only hope that the attempts for all my projects-- along with the works of millions of others-- do benefit open discourse and understanding for women and men, and children, and not just for American democracy, but for a greater acceptance of the uniqueness and beauty within individuals across the world."
This is my Groucho version- "Of course, I openly advocate not just for standing, as you mentioned, but for sitting, sleeping, pretty much any flexible position a person chooses for themselves, as well. (So long as it doesn't impede another individual's space at that moment.)"
Now, that the gratitudes are proclaimed, let's roll up our sleeves, and get to work. Misplaced, you seem to have a grasp of language-- Yes, those big words -- "objectification", "degradation" and"antithetical" give you away-- so, I feel rather comfortable chastizing you a tad. (First suggestion: you might want to brush up on punctuation skills. Shouldn't we all? Using a period for incomplete sentences not only goes against all that diagramming your fourth grade teacher had you exercise, but makes it appear that you yourself think that your thoughts are complete, when they are in fact, merely clauses. You do realize your thoughts are incomplete?)
Transparency and Accountability-- it goes both ways. If this were a newspaper you'd have to at least state "-Concerned Citizen, from xyz, state." (Sidebar-- I once noticed a gentleman I was doing some PR for at a conference was in a state of xyz. He thanked me for saving him from embarrassment during the event. He didn't hire us again. Moral of the story: state your real state, there are 50 to choose from. ) Perhaps, you're happy that print is going the way of the dodo bird. However, even extinct practices have merit, and stating your identity is well, only fair and so mature, especially when you decide to throw insults. If you were applauding me, for instance, I'd want to know who you were, too. Maybe send you flowers or more likely one of those lame Facebook apps. Ohh, are you a FB friend? Sorry, but I might want to de-friend you.
But wait, could that be it ....? Awwwww, are you ashamed of your identity, Misguided, or of your misguided past? Twelve-step program? There's an even easier solution . I'll hold your hand - it's called being open to researching facts, double checking, even triple checking your sources, too. The benefit is that it's civilly responsible,too.
For example--your odd pairing of Hustler and Housecleaning-- you seem to have been doing some selective googling about me under the letter "H". Might I suggest, you should have researched all the way to "Z"? Did you find anything good under "A"? Oh, please do let me know, if you did. All kidding aside, the world is so full of prejudiced half-slander. What goes for world issues, should also go for comments that target an individual. Agreed? You don't want to be responsible for perpetuating lies, that you yourself thought were true, but you didn't actually bother to go the next step? What would the good lord say when you got to the pearly gates?
So, here are some facts for your soul-search--
Hustler-- It was an article that I was paid $700 for, not an interview, as you suggest. For a really fun and educational interview that you might want to pick up a February '04 copy of Penthouse Forum.
Hustler censored/rewrote my work to meet their orientation. Here's a link to one post which addresses this issue. I begrudgingly agreed on the complete rewrite on behalf of marketing my book-- and the 30 some people I owed money to and were dependent upon sales; we sold one copy. Credibility? Hundreds of noted journalists have written for the magazine. I disagree with much of its content, as I do Playboy. But then are the tawdry celeb magazines displayed in our faces at the grocery lines, any more beneficial to societal values? Even so if Hustler would agree to non-censorship of my writing, I'd do it again, maybe even pose nude-- on my terms. Got that Hustler? How about marking my AARP status eligibility in '10?
Housecleaning and Toilets-- I use Comet brand primarily; Mixed properly with water, it would be quite unusual to accidentally inhale--and I don't snort, in case you're wanting that on the record. Funny that you specifically mention "toilet" -- one of the topics I want to explore on Huffington is about people not being aware of the literal waste they leave around the ring (hint: it's not just the men.) It's a wonderful allegory for the crap we all leave behind without thought.
Some Potty FAQ: Did you know there is a World Toilet Day, educating especially the Third World regarding the importance of hygiene and the need for accessible, functional toilets? You can attend the conference in Singapore, December 2, 2009. BTW, when's the last time you scrubbed a toilet?
Gandhi famously said his toilet was his "temple" and he suggested that everyone-- no matter caste or acheive-ment-- should clean their own.
(c) http://www.daylife.com/photo/08m8evkfPY9Ub
And finally, regarding your incomplete sentence alleging that I "objectify" and"degrade" women under the "guise of sexual liberation"-- uhh, not sure what your educational/ religious/political beliefs stem from, but substantiate the how, where, when, and what. It's OK if you don't like any of my views, but from what factual premise are you coming from?
Honestly, me thinks, dear Misguided that you've been throwing a pile of feces in public space. Have you, by chance been breathing in too many of your own and/or other's pottys' fumes? Evidence? It's obviously coming out of your mouth. For that, Listerine, might camouflage, but the true cure, the ethically accountable one is your digestion---intake less of that nutriciously deficient pulp fiction you've been eating; ensure you consume wholesome fiber.
And clean your own toilet, at least weekly; more when there's back-splash.
http://www.uberreview.com/search/call+of+duty
nakedsexpolitics (NSP)
will be evolving in a few weeks to include more reader participation--a daily gauge of YOUR sex life-- guest columnists, podcast (dare I fantasize) and better links and categorization of posts-- so you can find the political/ family/highly sexual/outright silly. If you'd like to be a guest columnist, please email or comment below about how your particular political/ sexual "posturing" will add zesty provocation.
cocky satisfaction for the reborn virgin head
1) Virge----- a wand; abbreviation for virgin [dictionary.com's archaic
spelling, though the "virgin" usage is my loose interpretation]
2) Verge -- Earliest attested sense in Eng. is now-obsolete meaning "male member, penis" (c.1400); male organ of copulation in certain invertebrates
Woman On the Verge of Getting It On (and enjoying taking it off...when she so chooses)
uld choose a zesty salami and a hearty cheese to get their sex juices flowing. 
It's the last day in May, with an hour to go EDT, and it dawned on me that not a single post was made the entire month--- that after last May's unbroken NSP monthly record of seven entries, amazingly with 2 sets of back-to-back days ( including scintilating topics of genuflection and ecologically masturbating trees, no less).
Since tonight's full moon is the second of the month for the Western hemisphere and the first full moon of two in June for The Eastern hemisphere, I'm making a once-in a-blue-moon commitment to
Admittedly, I was bored when I decided to google-image "penis"the other day. (Alright, truth be told, I really wanted to remember what one looked like.)
While Photo #1 was a young, healthy, very strongly erecting human specimen 
(....oh, sigh, I remember when..... ),
Photo # 5 was this curious embriotic yin/yang
(Turns out the page was on moderate-safe search. The other images on the first page were neither sexy or sweet-- to my tastes-- but, go ahead and look, google images change frequently; one never knows what might show up next.)
This ever-so cuddly banana slug pair is hermaphroditic, and their dual genitals are located just below their heads.
But kiss-kiss and mirrored-penetration are not the only thing this convenient oral-penal-vaginal positioning allows. Seems there's a little bit of aggresive "sexual conflict" -- a survival of the fittest progeny competition, perhaps -- because part of their luvvy-duvvy includes biting off at least one of their penises
If that's not enough to shock your manhood into protective mode, the doctoral student who studies them caught one slug doing solitaire--biting its own erect penis off.
Moral of the story -- don't get your head too close to your other head? Or make sure you AND your mate eat BEFORE you play? Dr. Tatianna might have an answer for slug and human alike.
Now, I don't tend to eat slugs, the banana variety, their cousins, or even those aphrodisiac giving escargot, but I do happen to really like bananas; I eat them usually daily. And in times like these, when it's been a while since I've had sex, peeling a banana, readying for my first bite, sometimes conjurs imageries that prompt my tongue's exercixe. (I've tried cucumbers, too, unsucessfully, for another kind of tactile quiz).
The feel of banana girth and firmness isn't quite the same as an arduous lover's, but it manages to make my tongue almost as satisfied, swirling around the pale yellow shaft like it's a soft vanilla ice cream cone. I deep-throat, of couse (reminder--they do come in different curves and sizes) and then devour the rest-- of the banana, that is, but never, ever have I eaten the peel, even if I would've washed it first, as I heard a recent safe-eating expert advice, so the germs from the outside don't slip into the inside. (Does licking the pulpy inside count?)
But according to a whole other kind of expert, there's now more reason we shouldn't only be washing, but placing those synthetic covered peels on our human bananas, if we choose to indulge at all. In Philadelphia and Southern California--gee, the two cities I live most at-- drug resistant gonorrhea seems to be all the rage, jumping 25% in Philly and 13% in Southern California over the past 2 years. Those of you in other parts of the country aren't far behind -- what happens in Vegas won't be staying there...
I've had my own share of scares and horrors, including scabies and crabs from a Rosarita Beach hotel bed during college spring break-- go UCLA-- and most gynecologists will tell you, if you're not a virgin sleeping with a virgin, you've shared more than you thought with those you've enjoyed.
Like other body parts, often our sexual organs quietly heal (or battle the invading germs) before we know we encountered something. But as a long-time condom-hating woman, this new scare nudges the come-back possibilities for Naked Gun style-lingerie.
Moral of this part of the story---sheathe up, don't clap?
image copyrights--
banana slug s © 2004 ,see website above;
condom banana © Andrew Taylor
Take-off
Not sure why, but when I saw this image in a recent e-travel spam, the underbelly angle of this jet stirred something very primal in me-- a pre-coital preying mantis, the hard-as-a rock steel, engine thrust, flying to new heights… add your symbolism—man or woman, straight or gay—does this image “move” you? Or did I just have a strange fetish-fantasy admission-faux pas?
Minnesotans like sex!
Just finished the KQRSs morning show with Tom and Teri. Tom’s smooth, open interview, got
us over 1400 hits so far today. Orders were coming in online while I was still on-air. Here is their link about us, featuring Christine Ott’s sexy shoe menagerie photo (c 2003). Thank you fans of the show, for all the hits you’ve made to this blog, too. Come back for some more naked sex, anytime.
Other radio appearances -- Still waiting for photos and audio link from Kidd Chris and Jersey Guys. Will post them here and on our book site when they come in.
Flaming HOT
“Buy-to-Burn" the Book or “Adopt-to-Donate” to your favorite library OR selfishly indulge yourself with your private collector's copy? --- As of this moment-- but no telling how excited those Minnesotans (above) might get--- there still are a little over 200 copies remaining of III (THREE). We’re deciding on our last promotional campaign. As sexy as our coffeetable is, it is also an important contribution to sexual understanding in America, so the idea that library collections all over the US will have 1 of our 1000 copies is very exciting. But then the publicity we could get, if we invited the religious right to buy-to-burn all the copies could fire up another storm. As the proud momma, I’m very heavily leaning on adoption. Ask your favorite library or religious right activist to look at our site.
Who do you think is more passionate about getting their hands around III(THREE)?
Coming Up –some future posts planned over the next few weeks—
-- Supreme Court-- is there a point of no-pull out when she says stop?
-- Nevada-- when a decades-later apology to rape can get you in jail;
-- Gang-bang boys --Teens and young adults; my thoughts on Duke, the Greg Haidl case (most likely a distant relative), adolescent sexual culture and the part of the brain that doesn’t mature until you’re 25
April Fools!!! is just around the corner—shall we roar like lions, be gentle like lambs, or you're just not into the animal-play thing?
